Deflated

I would not say I am an anti-social person (Although some social butterflies would say I am). Today I remembered why in high school I kept such a small group of people as friends and in college I seldom ventured out during working seasons. The game. College burned me out on games, but specifically the game of getting ahead of all the other people. High School burned me out on the similar game of getting ahead socially.
Today was a double whammy.

First: Class.
The professor called us out on not being prepared. Now here's where the Game (of getting ahead) came in. Our purpose in this class was to come prepared. Her definition of being prepared was given to us on day one. Today's definition of being prepared was significantly different. The elements had been elaborated on and yet at no time were these changes made clear to us. Therefore we were being called out for not playing a game to which we didn't have the rules (new rules that is). NOT cool. I was mad. I'll play your Fing game, but you better give me your Fing rules. No rules, no game. That's how I play.

Second: "Friend"
After class I really needed to go shoot the breeze with some friends. I waited around outside and people weren't making plans. I decided to go home. Upon returning for afternoon class one of my 'friends' was talking about the lunch outing she'd organized. I asked why I wasn't invited and it was because I'd been upset after class and my 'friend' doesn't invite people out to shoot the breeze that are already infected with negativity by 'taking things too seriously'. So there it was. The game. The social game of pretending not to care in order to hang out with the cool people.

No thanks. I don't do that. If you can't take me without false pretenses then I don't want to play your game. Yes I care. I'm paying a lot of money to be here and get a degree and subject myself to a Game I hate in order to make something of myself. If you can't respect that I get angry but am capable of having fun despite my anger, then no thank you. Goodbye social scene (of that nature).

I am done attempting to play that social game. I will try to make myself available when I have the time, but I'm done going out of my way to be social. It's not worth it. I don't have time to waste on people who are only interested in being surface friends. I'm not a surface friend person. Either you're my friend or you're not. Conditional doesn't work here. I'm not a games person.

That was my Tuesday. Happy Mardi Gras OrangePanda.