Chickens are Out

Well they seem to have escaped again. I see no other reason for my current inability to focus and the continuous revolving nature of my mind at the moment. I am unsure why I can not seem to keep things in line in my head right now. Perhaps a mid-twenties crisis? Not sure. Spring Break showed me that I really should have just focused on doing things for me and hope they make others happy instead of trying to make others happy. Whenever I try to make everyone happy it seems no one is happy. It's funny how I started this thing to release tension and say whatever is on my mind, yet I find myself trying to censor myself as I know who reads the blog.

I think things will be okay. I'm continuing to practice this strange balancing act. I teetering back and forth on one rope which is school, another rope which is my love life and another which is my family. Perhaps at some point they will line up and become a firmer surface to walk on, but for the moment I find myself struggling to balance. And this is not to say anyone other than myself is to blame for this. If I cared a little less I wouldn't be struggling to balance so much. But I do care. I care greatly.

I find I wish I knew where the master key existed. I wish I knew where the crystal ball is which shows reality, and not reality as everyone sees it, but as it really is. Is there such a thing? Or is reality subjective. This philosophical debate in my undergraduate studies bothered me often, as it seems whatever the answer, it is unsatisfying. If there is one reality, I wish I could get a glimpse of it so I'd know if I was on the right path. Just want to check in every now and again to make sure I haven't strayed too far, lost myself somehow in the journey.

So many people have so many views and exhaustion makes it easy to question who is accurate. Perhaps everyone is slightly right, but how does that help me sort things out? My solution, for the moment, is to trudge on and hope I make it out of the forest, out of the fog. Where I am now I often find myself confused. I can only hope that in my endeavor to continue forward, I am not walking in circles.

Chickens, please contain yourselves. I have work to do.