A good talk

Mr B and I sat and talked for a long time this evening. I'd spent the day reflecting on myself and my current situation. Also spent a good part of the day reading a book attempting to find an answer. Answers are few and far between, but advice is plentiful.

I've spent much of my nearly five year relationship with Mr B being supportive of whatever he does, pushing him to happiness. I realized today that part of loving someone is not always being supportive in the 'you can do it!' way, but sometimes being critical. I've had pure emotion pouring out of me since Wednesday. So I let that pure, unfair harsh emotion flow today at Mr B. I warned him I was being unfiltered, a little unreasonable and completely lost for direction in my outpour. He listened and then something wonderful happened. He didn't get mad. In fact, he agreed with me.

And so we're going in a different direction. Me, I'm no longer focusing on boosting him up, telling him he can do it. I'm focusing on me for awhile. Mr B, he's evaluating where he's at and where's he's going.

It was nice to have such open discussion.

I'm still lost in myself. Still searching for an answer to my own problems at hand. I wrote a piece today which I have not yet posted. It might be posted tomorrow, after I have a chance to read it again. I wrote it in such a pure flow of emotion and thought that I'm a little unsure what's there.

There's more work to be done here. There's so much more thought I need to put forth, so much more to try to figure out. I suppose sleep needs to happen soon so that I can continue on this path to a decision.