Reflection on 2L vs 1L

The commonly accepted fact is the first year of law school is by far the hardest. Having made it through I must say that it's that fact which gets you through it. Knowing that that year will be the worst of it make you push harder to overcome that feeling of failure and despair. Several people I know dropped out during that first year. Most because depression set it. I understand how they feel. My own depression came back with a vengeance during my second quarter and it nearly ended everything. Having moved past that and into my fourth quarter I am amazed at that first year journey.

Having grown up around attorneys, I never really looked at law school as being something challenging or special. I've known more than a few attorneys who exceed at stupidity. Granted all law schools are not created equal, I did not pause to think before applying to law school that the 3 year journey I was beginning was anything other than another 3 years of school. I feel like a fool now as I look back. There is something about graduate school that is unique.

I sit here laughing at myself as I learned the same lesson my first two quarters of law school that I learned in high school: you can't change who you are, so embrace yourself. I've always been loud, opinionated, passionate and stubborn. Many people will say those are not good things. I know that I am elitist on many things, but this is balanced by my compassion for the less fortunate and my desire to save the world one animal at a time. I'm impatient. I have always been impatient and I think I've only managed to learn patience for those people and things I really care about. Even that fails me.

What I'm getting at is law school is a pressure box which squeezes tight around you causing you to see who you really are and to notice your defects. If you embrace yourself it's much easier. While you fight it, you're in agony. I think that's the major difficulty with 1L. As a 1L you're trying to maintain your front, keep up in class and do what you think you're supposed to be doing. As a 2L you stop that battle. You begin to realize what you're capable. If you're lucky you accept your short comings and allow them to exist in peace with that side of you which drives you forward. Pretending your short comings don't exist won't keep them from showing when you're under pressure. By 2L, you're working on incorporating and workout around those shortcomings instead of hiding them.

I spent much of my time as a 1L trying to make friends and do what I felt I needed to do to be accepted. It was high school freshman year all over again. I hated high school. Now I know that I have my core friends and I don't always have to do stuff with them. Instead it's more important to me to get my work done and have some time to myself. Because ultimately, I need to have that quiet time to myself to let my brain be free from the insanity that is the law. It's a strange day when you're excited to clean your house instead of go out for drinks. Having my house clean makes me feel organized, which keeps me calm. I feel like my mom, as she cleans when she needs to clear her mind, or when she's angry. There's something to that though.

I think my toughest battle as a law student is to balance my private time, my school work, time with my friends, time with my boyfriend and time with my family. There's really not enough time to portion out to them all. Making it through the next year and a half while keeping all those facets somewhat covered and happy is my current challenge. I must say being a 2L is different from being a 1L and the line between the two is only distinct when looking back. I can only imagine what I will think when I make it to that final year, 3L.

My dad has always said he asks young lawyers in interviews: what is the hardest thing you've ever had to do? And he hates getting the following answer : law school. I must agree with him. I believe character comes from adversity and further from overcoming adversity. Law school is hard, but it's not close to the hardest thing I've ever had to do. And there will be plenty of things down the road which will be harder.