Peculiar Mood

I slept late this morning which really was the result of waking early in the morning and finding myself in an odd state of mind. I'm sure there is a phrase for it, but I'm not sure exactly which phrase or word best describes it. Today I've been an odd mix of sad, sick of my current situation, unmotivated and generally lacking enthusiasm. I didn't really want to do anything today and yet if I took time to do something other than what needed to be done I felt very guilty. I have 6 weeks left to this quarter and I think that's a good thing, because I'm not sure I could do 7. I've an odd zombie feeling today. Not sure what changed since yesterday when I was happy go lucky, but something today is very different.

It could be that I'm not feeling so great and yet I'm not really sure what doesn't feel good. I thought it was my stomach, but at times it really isn't. Then I thought it was my head, my allergies, but then that comes and goes today too. I awoke with a charlie horse...so my leg has been sore today.

It's a very odd place I'm in right now. The chickens are silent, crouched in the back of their cages and Mr. Monkey is moving along as if in a drugged state. He's slowly accomplishing a few things here and there, but mostly he's just dragging his feet slowly, occasionally looking towards his favorite chair, the murder mystery on the table next to it and his fuzzy slippers on the floor in front of it, before sighing deeply and returning his gaze down to the page in his hand to see where the information must be filed.

In the words of Eddie Izzard, I long for a grapefruit.

And yet I'm not REALLY sad. It's just an odd lack of...not sure. something very much off today. It's like I've reached the top of some mountain and I'm teetering looking down, feeling like really it's not the downward, but more of an exhausting journey down where the weight on my bad will feel heavier.

And this all sounds quiet depressing as I read it, and yet in my head, it's not. It's all just so. All just bland and there.

Perhaps it is defeat? But of what I'm not sure. I know I felt defeated today as I was driving home from the grocery store thinking, "Dear lord, I will not leave my apartment again today because I do not think I can bear anymore ghetto-ness today, nor this weekend".

Maybe as I slept some little pixie wandered in and slipped on some dim gray contacts, stealing away an rosy lenses I might have had and therefore I've gone through the day in this haze?

Or maybe my inner child is just running rampant today, pounding her little foot into the ground screaming, I Don't Want to! and sticking out her tongue at everything mildly adult. Maybe this is the heart of it. Today I just really don't want to be here, doing this. I want to be home, with people I love and feeling carefree.

Well, SNAP OUT OF IT! That's not happening. At least not for 6 weeks. And then it will, and that will be wonderful.

And now, for those of you who read this to gauge my mood of the day, realize that it's Sunday night, I'm tired, I don't feel very good and I feel like no matter how much work I do, there's always more. Tomorrow I will surely feel better. No need to freak out. I'm fine.